Come back to me
by ME who else
Summary: Sesshomaru relives one of his worst mistakes while listening to an old CD. One person can heal him, but what did he do to drive her away? COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

My first fic. But I really could care less if you flame me, I just wont read it:) If I get more good reviews than flames, than I will continue to update.

Another thing, I don't want to do the whole disclaimer thing at the beginning of every chapter so here it is. **I DON'T OWN INUYASHA THE TV PROGRAMS, MANGA'S OR ANYTHING RELATED TO IT**. If anyone out there really really really really really wants me to do that at the beginning of every chapter than I will, but I would rather not.

Another thing, the first 10 chapters of this story are to songs from Billy Joel's album called _River of Dreams_ **I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE SONGS USED IN THIS FAN FICTION. **I will name the songs at the beginning of every chapter but there is the disclaimer. If you don't like this music, tuff cookies! I found this CD in a box and thought it would go great for a fan fic.

Okay, there was my soap box moment. Now on to the story. :)

The golden orbs of Sesshomaru's eyes stared out of the tall window of his study. The rain warped the moonlight, creating streaks down his cheeks. He looked like he had been crying. The shadow of a raindrop ran from the corner of his eyes downwards until it fell off his chin and went down the starched white shirt that he wore. It went over his hand and down the side of the coffee cup he was holding. There it stopped, over top of the ring on his left hand. Sesshomaru watched the wind tear at the trees, attempting to rip them from the ground. A flash of lightening lit up the room and caused Sesshomaru's shadow to grow to a tremendous size. Slowly Sesshomaru's eyes moved until they rested on a CD player on the desk next to him. The quiet left him unnerved. He reached out a hand and began to flip through the CD case, trying to find something suitable for such an important man to listen to. Nothing in the case interested him until he came to the last CD. It was _River of Dreams_ by Billy Joel (surprise surprise) Sesshomaru pulled it from the holder and silently walked over to the CD player, as he slipped it in and pressed play, he was careful to make sure to turn the volume down. As the rock music began to reach his ears he sat down in the large chair behind the desk and turned it so he was looking out the window. He leaned back and closed his eyes.

_I've see those big machines come rolling through the quiet pine / Blue suits and bankers with their Volvos and their valentines /_

Sesshomaru's brow wrinkled as he remembered the days when humans had begun to overtake the demons.

_Give us this day our daily discount outlet merchandise / Raise up a multiplex and we will make a sacrifice /_

It was sickening to him how the humans worshiped their money and power. When their lives were only fleeting, mere smudges on the world's history.

_Now we're gonna get the big business / Now we're gonna get the real thing / Everbody's all excited about it /_

Everybody had been. All of the lesser demons and demon lords thought it was great. More humans, more food, and more living things to control. But then they couldn't hold onto their territory. Lands began to fall under the loud roaring of the machinery. Even Lord Sesshomaru couldn't hold onto all of the western Lands.

_Who remembers when it all began- out here in No Man's Land / Before the passed the master plan- out here in No Man's Land / Low supply and high demand- here in No Man's Land /_

Not many could. Demons had been destroyed, almost completely killed off as new disease cropped up. And when humans thought that demons were a threat. They killed all of the lesser ones. Only the strongest survived. Or those that could hide well enough not to be found. Sesshomaru chose not to fight. He went into hiding essentially. He hid his demonic features and took up a business. Slowly he worked his way to the top. Now his business was the best of the best.

_There ain't much work out here in our consumer power base / No major industry just miles and miles of parking space /_

Thoughtfully Sesshomaru opened his eyes and stared once more into the rain. There really wasn't any work here. Even though the politicians claimed big steps forward. The human race was moving backward. Some day demons would once again rule, because humans thought they were invincible, but demons actually were.

_This morning's paper said our neighbor's in a cocaine bust / Lots more to read about Lolita a suburban lust / _

Human newspapers were useless. Sesshomaru payed people to read them for him and summarize the important details. And all that he got was humans once again trying to kill each other off.

_Now we're gonna get the whole story / Now we're gonna be in prime time / Everybody's all excited about it / _

That's all that humans cared about, money, position, attention. Nothing that could last.

_Who remembers when it all began- out here in No Man's Land / We've just begun to understand- out here in No Man's Land / Low supply and high demand- here in No Man's Land /_

Nobody understands. Nobody remembers. No one ever will.

_I see these children with their boredom and their vacant stares / God help us all if we're to blame for their unanswered prayers /_

Sesshomaru had seen the homeless kids lining the streets. Unwanted, thrown away, and society telling them they were useless. And people said they were making progress.

_They roll the sidewalks up at night, this place goes underground / Thanks to the Condo Kings there's cable now in Zombie Town /_

When the sun set and the moon rose, when night came, what was left of the demon population went out to hunt. Reverting back to old habits, they stalked and hunted. Normally they avoided killing humans, but sometimes it happened. Thanks to technology, no human was out to late at night.

_Now we're gonna get the closed circuit / Now we're gonna get the Top 40 / Now we're gonna get the sports franchise / Now we're gonna get the major attractions /_

Some of the stupid humans had tired to persuade the demons that what they were doing was good. Trying to get them on their side. Sesshomaru had almost ten different companies come to his mansion alone to get him to support their cause. Only 8 of them lived to warn others.

_Who remembers when it all began- out here in No Man's Land / Before the whole world was in our hands- out here in No Man's Land / Low supply and high demand- here in No Man's Land /_

Sesshomaru took another sip of his coffee as the song ended. Nobody will ever remember the past, how this world began. Even though they think they have the world in their hands, they don't. It is still ruled by those who made it. The demons have been here forever, they are here now, and they will never go away. Sesshomaru smirked as the song came to a close.

Do you like it? I hope so. Please feel free to point out any mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, I got two reviews! It guess it is a start. Please, even if you just open up my story, read the first two sentances and hate it, send a review! I need to know that people at least try it. Thanks to **bloodblackmage** and **turante** for the reviews. In this chapter I am using _The Great Wall of China_ by Billy Joel. **I do not own it.******Thanks and onto the story.

Sesshomaru leaned back in his large, black, leather chair and turned up the volume on his stereo. To a human, the volume would've been to quiet to hear anything, but not for his demonic hearing. The song started to pick up and Sesshomaru let his mind go.

_Advice is cheap you can take it from me / It's yours to keep 'cause opinions are free /_

He tried to give people advice, and tell them what they were doing wrong, but nobody listened. And now the humans were outnumbering the demons.

_Nobody knows about the trouble I've seen / Nobody's perfect, mister, nobody's clean /_

Nobody in the world could know, or even imagine all he had lived through, nobody had ever had the chance to experience what he had. There was only one person that was pure enough to try and understand. And she was gone.

_It cost too much and takes too long to find out too late / Some words are not heard 'til after they're spoken /_

No matter how much he spoke and tried to do as she asked, she left. Now he realized all the hints she had left, telling him that they were falling farther apart. He didn't understand.

_Your role was protective, your soul was too defective / Some people just don't have a heart to be broken_ /

Sesshomaru cursed the song. She was not defective, she was perfect, and that is why he had wanted her in the first place. And she did have a heart to be broken, and his brother had taken advantage of that.

_We could have gone all the way to the Great Wall of China / If you'd only had a little more faith in me /_

If only she had waited a little while longer, just a few more years, perhaps he would've realized, just maybe. But even as Sesshomaru thought this, he knew it wasn't true. She had put her whole heart, soul, and all her faith in him, and had trusted him with everything. But he had thrown it away.

_In lieu of diamonds, gold and platinum reminders will still shine bright /_

Everything he saw was a reminder to him of what he had done, everything he did, everywhere he went. Pain.

_All the king's men and all the king's horses / Can't put you together the way you used to be /_

He heard the song talking to him. The only person that could repair him was her.

_We could have been standing on the Great Wall of China /_

They could've ruled the world.

_You take a piece of whatever you touch / Too many pieces means you're touching too much /_

The humans of this world tried to own everything, tried to claim it as their own. But it was useless.

_You never win if you can't play it straight /_

She had taught him that. Taught him that no matter how much you lie and deceive, it doesn't do anything. It might help in the long run, but if you made it your foundation, it soon crumbled and you fell. It happened to him, and she had been there to catch him.

_You only beat me if you get me to hate /_

That is the attitude she portrayed, even after her betrayal she didn't hate. Nothing could taint her like that, nothing.

_It must be so lonely to think that you have only / Somebody else's life to live if they let you /_

Every single person alive was living someone else's life for them, no one could bare the face their own problems.

_I ain't too selective, but it don't take no detective / To find out how fast your friends will forget you_ /_  
_

If you provided no profit to your friends, the left you with nothing. Alone and empty.

_  
We could have gone all the way to the Great Wall of China / Now all you're going to be is history /_

The world might forget her, but he never would. And he would do all in his power to get her back.

_Help yourself, it's all you can eat at the Empire Diner tonight /_

She was never coming back.

_You coulda had class, you coulda have been a contender /_

She could've been everything. They could've, should've ruled side by side.

_Charlie, you shoulda looked out for me /_

No one was looking out for him. No one cared._  
You could have been standing, standing on the Great Wall of China /_

They could've gone all the way.

_This was not your calling, just look how far you've fallen /_

She had found him alone and battered. She had reminded him of who he was. She told him that it wasn't what was supposed to have happened.

_  
I heard your story, man, you've got to be joking /_

No, I am not joking.

_  
Keep things in perspective, this is my true objective /_

He tried, he tried as hard as he could to keep things in perspective, but he failed.

_  
Why tear this heart out if it's only been broken/_

He had hurt her after she had been hurt more than she deserved.

_  
We could have gone all the way to the Great Wall of China / If you'd only had a little more faith in me /_

Sesshomaru felt a tear slip down his face.

_  
In lieu of diamonds, gold and platinum reminders will still shine bright /_

There was no way he could forget her.

_  
All the king's men and all the king's horses / Can't put you together the way you used to be /_

There was no way to repair what he had done.

_  
We could have been standing, standing on the Great Wall of China /_

Sesshomaru felt tears role down his face and he angrily wiped them away. Cursing himself for letting his emotions show, she was always his weakness.


	3. Chapter 3

In this chapter you find out about the title and I am using the song _Blonde Over Blue_ by Billy Joel. **I do not own it.**

Sesshomaru closed his eyes and felt the tears roll down his face. After a moment or so he put back on the mask of indifference and once more shoved his emotions to the back of his mind. He growled as he heard footsteps outside his door. He flexed his claws and was ready to rip the throat out of anyone who entered. But the footsteps got fainter and he relaxed once more. Slowly the next song came on and the melody filled his ears.

_Some days when I'm far away / In a lonely room in a cold seclusion_

A slow smile spread across his face. It described this night so well.

_  
Some nights when I'm wound so tight / There is no release, there is no solution_

If tonight isn't like that, then no night ever will be.

_  
In hell there's a big hotel / Where the bar just closed and the windows never opened / No phone so you can't call home / And the T.V. works, but the clicker is broken /_

It described his life so well since she left. There was nothing left to live for.

_  
But in the darkness I see your light turned on _

Her light was always on. He could always go there for help or comfort.

_You know my weakness, you know how I respond to /_

"Her" He finished the sentence out loud.

_  
Blonde over blue...your hands are cold, your eyes are fire / _

A frown pulled Sesshomaru's eyebrows together. Naraku's final words before she purified him to ashes were a cures upon her forever. He had leaped upon her and grabbed her half of the sacred jewel and wished that she should be cursed forever in whatever way the jewel chose. The curse that had been chosen was her transformation into an inu demon. Golden, almost white hair and ice blue eyes.

_Blonde over blue...they shine as though you're burning inside_

The song described her perfectly.

_  
One word from you is all I need to be inspired / Blonde over blue...I need your inspiration tonight  
_

One word from his love was all he needed. He had comforted her after her change and after Inuyasha abandoned her for his dead woman. He had no need for someone that reminded him of his mixed blood. Sesshomaru had taken her to his castle and fell in love.

_  
These days there's a million ways / To be pulled and torn, to be misdirected_

Nothing was clear anymore, nothing was straight forward except his love for her.

_  
These times there are sins and crimes / On the morning shows for the disconnected_

Nothing to do in this world infested by human scum. Nothing to do but sit and dwell upon the one mistake in his life. That is how he wanted it.

_  
I look and I write my book / And I walk away with the wrong impressions_

He wrote down everything that had happened, it was etched in blood on the pages of his heart. And nothing was clear.

_  
I don't care 'cause I've done my share / And I need some time for my own obsessions_

He had thought he was all done that he had nothing more to do, but he was wrong. She had shown him that. After she had left he thought he needed to be alone. In anger he had killed anyone that had come near him. He ran through the city, through the limited countryside, and it only made it worse. For so long he had never been alone, and he was frightened.

_  
It doesn't matter, I've let that life go by / It's been forgotten 'cause all I wanted was you _

Nothing mattered anymore.__

Blonde over blue...your hands are cold, your eyes are fire / Blonde over blue...they shine as though you're burning inside

The fire in her eyes told of her suffering and her injured soul. Her cold hands told of the black blood that flowed through her veins and how it had caused her betrayal.

_One word from you is all I need to be inspired / Blonde over blue...I need your inspiration tonight _

Nothing could bring her back now. And he needed her so much.__

These days not a damn soul prays / And there is no faith 'cause there's nothing to believe in

Nobody would believe, even if there was something to believe in

_  
These days only good luck pays_

And he had awful luck

_  
If we don't get paid then we try to get even_

But he couldn't get even now, not with her, and everyone else left him alone.

_  
I look and I write my book / And I have my say and I draw conclusions_

The book in his heart. The conclusions he drew did nothing to help.

_  
Some nights when I'm wound so tight / There is no release there is no solution_

Tonight, and every night since she left.

_  
But in the darkness I see your light turned on / You know my weakness, you know how I respond to _

He needed her so badly.__

Blonde over blue...your hands are cold, your eyes are fire / Blonde over blue...they shine as though you're burning inside / 

Her face flashed before his eyes

_One word from you is all I need to be inspired / Blonde over blue...I need your inspiration tonight_

"Come back to me" Sesshomaru whispered to the air around him, his soul reached out to find hers.

There it is! Okay, well I got a few reviews asking for an explanation. Well, it isn't supposed to be clear yet, the whole thing is pointing to when you find out what he did to drive "her" away. Although I bet everyone can guess who "she" is. In this chapter you find out about the title and

Thanks to **soulful ice, The Squabbit, Macduffygirl** for the reviews!

Please review! It makes writing much easier and more fun!


	4. Chapter 4

In this chapter I am using _A Minor Variation_ by Billy Joel **I do not own it.**

Sesshomaru sighed, something he hadn't done before she left him. He stood up and set down his now cold cup of coffee on the table, but he didn't let go. He watched his hand as if it had a mind of it's own. His grip began to tighten and his knuckles turned white. His sensitive hearing picked up the screeching sound that the straining glass made. Spidery cracks began to form, criscrossing over the glass and under his fingers, but he kept squeezing. Finally it gave way and the glass exploded in his hands. Glass shards flew everywhere and embedded themselves in everything. Sesshomaru didn't even flinch. He opened his hand and stared at the palm, the blood trickled down the creases and onto the floor, the tears of his heart.

_Some days I have to give right in to the blues_

He had given in everyday since she left.

_  
Despite how I try to keep fightin' / It's a sure shot I'm going to lose_

He had yet to win the fight against the feeling, and he knew there was only one way to rise up from the rock hard bottom of despair that he was sitting on.

_  
And I'll tell you why / You think I'm crazy_

"She must think I am a monster" the words flowed from Sesshomaru's mouth easily.

_  
It's such a sad composition_

He whole life so far was a disaster.

_But can you blame me / For what's been causing my bad disposition?_

She never blamed him, not even after what he did. She was to forgiving. But he deserved to be blamed, and in leaving, she had sentenced him to the worst possible punishment, he was alone.

_  
Ain't nothing new with my blue situation / And nothing's fine it's just a minor variation  
_

Every night was the same, nothing new, nothing different.

_  
When troubles want to find me, I ain't hard to find_

And troubles seemed to feed off of his despair.

_  
They know where I am / Like a hungry pack of wolves when it's feeding time_

They consumed his whole life, and everything he touched. It left nothing alive, and when it coupled with his anger or despair, it formed a deadly team.

_  
They tear up a man_

There was nothing left of his soul or heart, she had taken them both with her.

_  
And it's a strange thing / 'Cause now it don't really matter_

Nothing mattered anymore, he just had to keep saying that and then it would all go away.

_  
More of the same thing / Don't even hurt it's a part of the pattern_

A life of monotones. Nothing changing, once just to try and relieve himself of the pain he tried to blast his brains out with a shotgun. But his black blood had healed him to quickly.

_  
But still in all it's a small consolation / I just define it as a minor variation  
_

He woke to the same thing every day.

_  
Ain't no way to fight 'em, darling / Ain't no way around 'em baby / Ain't no way to take 'em, honey / No where to hide and believe me I've tried to shake 'em _

Sesshomaru raised his head and looked at the ceiling, ignoring the blood still running down his hand. Why wouldn't she come back? There was no way to escape her memory.__

I'm getting to the point where I don't feel the pain / And I've had enough

"No more, please no more." Sesshomaru pleaded to the air in front of him. The shapes of the furniture seemed like ghosts from the past, coming to destroy his life because he ruined theirs. His plea was quiet, almost whispered and it was that of a soul being shredded within a broken heart.

_  
I'm ready for the next time it hits me again_

He wasn't ready. He never would be.

_  
Cause I've gotten tough_

Not tough enough

_It doesn't faze me_

He wished it didn't.

_  
And now I've made my decision_

He had made that decision to late.

_  
I may be crazy / It's not as though I don't know that condition_

He had fallen head over heels for her and then she had left him to tumble alone back into the bottomless abyss of loneliness.

_  
Until I'm through with this blue situation / Pass me the wine, it's just a minor variation _

Getting drunk seemed to be the only relief that he could find. But his black blood had soon built up a resistance to it and now he had to drink enough liquor to get almost thrity men drunk before anything happened.__

Ain't nobody's business, baby / Ain't nobody's worry darlin' / Ain't nobody's problem

When she had first left he had thought that it wasn't anybody's problem, so he had pushed everyone away, but now he was alone and regretted that action.

_  
No way to win when you've already been forgotten _

It was beginning to sink in that she would never come back, she had probably already moved on and forgotten him. Would she ever know that he would never forget her?__

And it's a strange thing / 'Cause now it don't really matter

People could do anything they wanted and he felt nothing.

_  
More of the same thing / Don't even hurt it's a part of the pattern_

There was no way to stop his fall.

_  
Until I'm through with this blue situation / Pass me the wine, it's just a minor variation _

He would never be through and now there was nothing he could do about it. Sesshomaru smiled sadly and closed his eyes. His memory wandered thoughtfully through all of the wonderful memories that she was in. No, he would never forget her.

Yet another one done! Yay! I am almost half way through now. Thanks to my three wonderful reviewers! I am glad someone likes my story.


	5. Chapter 5

In this chapter I use the song _Shades Of Grey_ by Billy Joel, **I do not own it.**

Sesshomaru felt himself stand on the brink of a dark abyss. A huge gapping maw opened wide and searched after him. When she had first met him he was on the point of sliding into the monsters jaws and just giving up, but she had come and her love and light had hurled the monster far from sight. But no the monster was back and had hold of his mind in a vice grip. The monster most called loneliness was taking over his life and clouding all his senses. He struggled to breath as the next song came from the small stereo's speakers.

_Some things were perfectly clear, seen with the vision of youth_

He had been a grand lord. So much land, so many servants, everything working to his advantage.

_  
No doubts and nothing to fear, I claimed the corner on truth_

He thought that he was the only one you knew what was right.

_  
These days it's harder to say I know what I'm fighting for_

There was nothing left to fight for, nothing good and pure to protect.

_  
My faith is falling away / I'm not that sure anymore _

He wasn't sure of anything. When she left the foundation of his life fell away and he was falling and there was nothing left to catch him and nothing to cushion his fall.

Shades of grey wherever I go / The more I find out the less that I know

All the information he received went in one ear and out the other, nothing made sense and everything blended together.

_  
Black and white is how it should be / But shades of grey are the colors I see _

It had been so easy to tell right from wrong, honor from dishonor, good from bad. 

Once there were trenches and walls and one point of every view

Mental walls that separated the lands, kept the lesser demons from straying.

_  
Fight 'til the other man falls - kill him before he kills you_

The inate law of demons and all other animals, the rock bottom law of survival.

_  
These days the edges are blurred, I'm old and tired of war_

He was tired of the human wars, the demons wars, and the war in his heart. He was tired of people calling on his constantly for aid.

_  
I hear the other man's words / I'm not that sure anymore _

His world had been turned upside down and his enemies became more like himself. He saw their flaws in him and thought of them as living things. She had shown him compassion and in turn, taught him how to show it to others.

Shades of grey are all that I find / When I look to the enemy line

Everything blurred into one thing. Suddenly everything was the same and everyone was equal. He could no longer kill without regret, he could no longer torture or even beat his servants without feeling. She had shown him a new dimension on the world. It had been hard for him to deal with the emotions as they began to rule his life. But she had been there, she helped him through it, and now he was here to deal with it alone.

_  
Black and white was so easy for me / But shades of grey are the colors I see _

He couldn't take it, it was too hard. Nothing was clear.

Now with the wisdom of years, I try to reason things out / And the only people I fear are those who never have doubts

He had been so sure of himself then and now as he looked at the humans and demons alike that were in that same position he thought of the time when they would have to come face to face with the world as well, he was lucky that she had been there for him.

_  
Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for_

When he saw others as equal it was shattering for him to be brought down to the level of the lesser demons. He watched the other lords strut around as he had done and was ashamed for what he had been.

_  
I won't be righteous again / I'm not that sure anymore _

Now he could never go back to the safety that denial provided.

Shades of grey are all that I find / When I look to the enemy line

Everything blurred into the emotion of loneliness.

_  
Ain't no rainbows shining on me / Shades of grey are the colors I see _

For one brief moment she had been his rainbow and had illuminated his world.

Shades of grey wherever I go / The more I find out the less that I know

Everything he learned added more to the stuff he had to untangle in his mind.

_  
Ain't no rainbows shining on me / Shades of grey are the colors I see_

Sesshomaru felt the gaping hole that threatened to swallow him up. He stood on a paper thin edge that separated him the gulf of complete loneliness and death from insanity and his fall back into a true demon. Nothing held him up, nothing held him back. Now all he had to do was wait to see which side he fell into.

Wow, well, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, it ended differently that I wanted it to, but oh well. I feel like I am repeating myself, every song is saying the same thing but it does get better, the songs start to change and, yeah. So I am going to have a vote between my few and far between reviewers, should it end happily or sadly? Cast your vote or I get to pick:) well I hope people like it, keep reviewing!

Thanks to: **apeircingadaymakesthepainstay, darkt, Kira the Mizu Ryu, The Squabbit, soulful ice** for the reviews! Oh and thank you to my one anonymous reviewer, even those don't go unappreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

Sesshomaru stood before the window and stared at the large expanse of his estate. As the humans had started to take over he had kept several acres of forested land around his mansion safe. Nobody entered them for fear of facing his wrath. Golden orbs reflected the moon light and the shadows from the clouds caused his flawless skin to become cloudy. The rain had stopped and the windows were flung open, letting the scent of the freshly cleaned air seep into his bones. It had been her favorite scent when she was with him, the scent of the air and the trees after rain. She hated the smell of the pollution and hated to see how the humans were destroying the world. She loved to walk along the small paths in the small forest below him. Sometimes she would sit by the trickle of water that flowed through the center and would listen to the sounds. Her head would be flung back and her long white hair shimmered and flowed around her form in the wind. He would watch her silently from the treetops and she was so immersed in her thoughts and feelings she never noticed him. It was her little piece of heaven, and Sesshomaru would never change it. He walked out onto the balcony as the next song began to play.

_She waits for me at night, she waits for me in silence_

He would come home from a hard day at work and she would be there, always.

_  
She gives me all her tenderness and takes away my pain_

She would rub his shoulders and run her claws through his hair and every time she touched him it seemed that she was drawing out all of his pain and stress.

_  
And so far she hasn't run, though I swear she's had her moments_

She put up with him for so long, and then, he made a mistake. Sesshomaru shuddered at the memory and looked down at the claws that were gripping the railing of the balcony, causing chips of plaster to flake off. The memory of those same claws gripping something else just as hard, and instead of flecks of plaster and paint, flecks of blood fell to the floor.

_  
She still believes in miracles while others cry in vain _

Nothing was beyond fixing in her eyes. Even him. __

It's all about soul / It's all about faith and a deeper devotion

She was different than anyone he had ever met and he loved her for it.

_  
It's all about soul / 'Cause under the love is a stronger emotion_

He thought that he knew everything about her, but every day he learned more, and now that learning was gone.

_  
She's got to be strong / 'Cause so many things getting out of control_

Being mated to the lord of the western lands came with it's dangers. She had been threatened, kidnapped, and more just so that people could get to him. She had weathered it all without a word of malcontent. He never thanked her for it, and now he regretted that.

_  
Should drive her away / So why does she stay?_

She stayed for him.

_  
It's all about soul _

She had soul, and heart enough to fill the world.__

She turns to me sometimes and she asks me what I'm dreaming / And I realize I must have gone a million miles away

She cared for him so deeply and had kept him from losing to his demonic side so many times.

_  
And I ask her how she knew to reach out for me at that moment / And she smiles because it's understood there are no words to say _

She always seemed to know what was going on__

It's all about soul / It's all about knowing what someone is feeling

She knew his deepest desire, his fears, everything about him and she knew what to do.

_  
The woman's got soul / The power of love and the power of healing_

Not only could she heal his wounds, but she healed his soul.

_  
This life isn't fair / It's gonna get dark, it's gonna get cold_

Sesshomaru didn't know what he would do if it got worse than it was now, and if he didn't have her.

_  
You've got to get tough, but that ain't enough / It's all about soul _

She was tough, but delicate. She was innocent and He wanted to protect that. She put her life in his hands and he betrayed that trust. No better than his half breed brother.__

There are people who have lost every trace of human kindness

Not her.

_  
There are many who have fallen, there are some who still survive_

She was one of those few.

_  
She comes to me at night and she tells me her desires / And she gives me all the love I need to keep my faith alive _

She told him everything and gave him her soul, she loved him unconditionally.__

It's all about soul / It's all about joy that comes out of sorrow

There was no joy anymore

_  
It's all about soul / Who's standing now and who's standing tomorrow_

He had taken it one day at a time and he couldn't do it any longer.

_  
You've got to be hard / Hard as the rock in that old rock 'n roll_

He was before he met her and then she showed him emotion, taught him how to feel again, and it was ripping him apart. But he didn't regret it.

_  
But that's only part, you know in your heart / It's all about soul_

She was everything to him and now she was gone, and it was his fault. Sesshomaru released his hands from the balcony and looked at them with disgust. He thought he could still see the blood, and it seemed to burn. How many times had he woken up in the night and tried to scrub it off until his hands bled? He couldn't remove it and it hurt him. Tears slipped down his face and he raised his face and looked at the moon. He felt his black blood boil and swirl in his veins and he let it take over. He felt the form he took to walk among the humans fall, and his tail began to swish and the marks appeared on his face. He stopped his blood just short of changing into the large white dog, but he stood on the balcony and red eyes stared at the forest. He closed his eyes and let out a howl. The sound rang through the forest and was the cry of a soul being ripped in two, the sound of surrender. Sesshomaru felt himself lose the small grip on reality and the red flooded his vision. Instinct began to take over but he concentrated on the music and it saved him from completely changing. Her face as she lay in bed holding a small bundle in her arms, the memory flooded through his mind, then there was blood on the floor and the look on her face stabbed him to the soul. The look was pure, untainted sorrow coming from an innocent woman. He remembered looking at her without any feeling and leaving her in the pool of blood. A feral growl left his throat, his one mistake, his one mistake, it had cost him everything. Tears fell from his face and he remembered how she hadn't shed any that night, she accepted what he had done, but she couldn't live with it, and she left the next day.

I know, I know, it is really sad right now, but if you cast your vote for a happy ending it won't be! I only got one vote so far so I am going to wait before telling you the result. You got a glimpse of what he did there at the end, and if you can guess what he did then...well you will get a huge pat on the back! I'd give you a prize, but I don't know what I could give over the Internet sooooooooooooo...yeah. Well, I hope you liked it and keep reviewing!

Thanks to **The Squabbit, **and my **anonymous **reviewer! It really helps to know that someone likes my story!


	7. Chapter 7

In this chapter I am using the song _Lullabye (Goodnight me angel)_ by Billy Joe. **I do not own this song.**

Sesshomaru stood on the balcony of his large estate and looked out over the small forest that was all that was left of what had once been. He took a long deep breath and the smells mixed in his nose. The pause in the storm was only that, a pause, in a matter of minutes the rain would begin again and try to clean the filth from the world. He wished that the rain could clean out his heart and cleanse him of what he had done, but it couldn't. The only one that could heal him was her, and she was gone. Softly Sesshomaru began to sing along with the song that came on. It was a lullabye that she had played over and over to put herself to sleep and Sesshomaru had memorized it. He had been waiting for the perfect moment to sing it to her, but he had waited to long.

_Goodnight, my angel / Time to close your eyes_

He imagined her eyelashes flutter as her icy eyes closed, somewhere far away she must be sleeping.

_  
And save these questions for another day_

So many times she had kept him up late into the night to ask him simple questions. Always they were questions that a child would ask. "Why does a flower bloom?" she would question him. She was never satisfied with the usual answer that a parent would give, she wanted the true reason, she searched for the basic, true, final answer. Sesshomaru had taken to answering her questions with a kiss on the back of her hand and the simple answer "To please you."

_  
I think I know what you've been asking me / I think you know what I've been trying to say_

Within each question was a small plea for him to stop doing what hurt her soul so much. And each time he answered "To please you." he told her to wait one more day.

_  
I promised I would never leave you_

But she never returned the promise.

_  
And you should always know / Wherever you may go / No matter where you are / I never will be far away _

She was always in his thoughts, everything he did now was dedicated to her, and there was no way that he would taint her memory.__

Goodnight, my angel / Now it's time to sleep

Her deep, rhythmic breathing of sleep filled his mind.

_  
And still so many things I want to say_

If only he had said those things sooner.

_  
Remember all the songs you sang for me / When we went sailing on an emerald bay_

She sang him to sleep ever night and ran her finger through his hair.

_  
And like a boat out on the ocean / I'm rocking you to sleep_

His arms ached to hold her once more

_  
The water's dark / And deep inside this ancient heart / You'll always be a part of me _

She had taken part of him with her when she left.__

Goodnight, my angel / Now it's time to dream

She never told him what she dreamed, but often she would wake up screaming and sweating. Nightmares of the past jarred her sleep and he would hold her until they left her in peace. Who was holding her now?

_  
And dream how wonderful your life will be_

Soothing comforting words he would whisper into her ear, and tell her about the future.

_  
Someday your child may cry_

"Never." A tear slipped down a porcelain cheek.

_  
And if you sing this lullabye / Then in your heart / There will always be a part of me _

He hoped she still thought of him.__

Someday we'll all be gone / But lullabyes go on and on...

The lullabye would never leave his mind, and he would sing it forever to keep her alive in him.

_  
They never die_

"Just like you and me."

_That's how you / And I / Will be_

A small smile graced the lips of the sad face of Sesshomaru, the first in years. "I will never forget you, what I did, or who we are." Despite the smile another tear slid down his face and the rain began again. He raised his head to the sky and felt the drops hit his skin. The tears he had shed for his mate. The tears he had let fall for his mistake. And the tears he had seen hit the ground for the other girl he had driven away the same night. The second most important being in his life and the first in his mate's. He looked at his hands in the rain and the drops that fell from them seemed to turn red from her blood. The pained look on his mate's face when he walked from the room, leaving the small, cold body behind him.

"Goodnight Kagome, truly, I am sorry." The simple sentence reached out through the night and traveled on the winds of time, and it touched another soul in the moonlight.

Okay, so you find out at the end there what he did, and if it isn't clear, just wait a few chapters and I will say it right out.

WHO HOOO! I got either reviews for the last chapter and I think that is a record! Thank you soooooooo much! It helps a lot.

Those who don't understand, it will all be cleared up at the end. And to those that guessed what he did, there you go, you were all right! You will find out _why_ he did it at the end.

Thanks to: **alatera, katz315, Grilka63, The Squabbit, catwoman316, Bbabe13, Kira the Mizu Ryuu**

Oh! and the vote was unanimous! So for those of you that voted, you know what kind of ending you will get, if you didn't, you won't know until the end. Your punishment for not voting! evil laughter


	8. Chapter 8

In this chapter I am using _River of Dreams_ by Billy Joel. **I do not own it.**

Sesshomaru closed his eyes and let the next song fill him. He drank up the beat and the sounds like a dying man. It entered his mind and the song began to sing.

_In the middle of the night / I go walking in my sleep_

Dreams.

_  
From the mountains of faith / To a river so deep_

From one end of his mind to the other

_  
I must be looking for something / Something sacred I lost_

My soul, my heart, my love

_  
But the river is wide / And it's too hard to cross _

He had drowned too many times trying, and he would keep doing it until he got across__

And even though I know the river is wide / I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore

Wide enough to keep him from succeeding, short enough to keep him going

_  
And try to cross to the opposite side / So I can finally find out what I've been looking for _

So I can be healed, so I can live once more__

In the middle of the night / I go walking in my sleep

Every night, every day, every minute, every hour, every second

_  
Through the valley of fear / To a river so deep_

He searched through it all

_  
And I've been searching for something / Taken out of my soul_

It was his soul

_  
Something I would never lose / Something somebody stole _

She took it from me, and I deserved it__

I don't know why I go walking at night / But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore

"No more, please make it stop." A tear slid down his face and joined the rest on the floor.

_  
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life / Until I find what it is that I've been looking for _

He had all the time in the world, and he would do whatever it took to find her__

In the middle of the night / I go walking in my sleep

He never had a rest

_  
Through the jungle of doubt / To a river so deep_

"Please not again."

_  
I know I'm searching for something/ Something so undefined / That it can only be seen / By the eyes of the blind_

He was broken, shattered and couldn't pick the pieces back up

_  
In the middle of the night _

Not only then__

I'm not sure about a life after this / God knows I've never been a spiritual man

Human religion was not for him

_  
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river / That runs to the promised land_

It ran to her

_  
In the middle of the night / I go walking in my sleep_

He kept walking and walking and walking and never stopped, and never would stop

_  
Through the desert of truth / To the river so deep_

Again and again and again and again

_  
We all end in the ocean / We all start in the streams_

We start at the beginning and work our way through life, only sometimes, it never ends

_  
We're all carried along / By the river of dreams_

If only it would take him to her, all the way home

_  
In the middle of the night_

The song ended and Sesshomaru raised his head. He floated down the flowing, rippling, and painful river of memory. It scorched him and he felt his body being burned away to reveal what he really was. He shied away, not wanting to see himself that way. So completely exposed and his soul bared so clearly. He saw himself as Kagome saw him and he shuddered. There was no blame, only sorrow. She had blamed it on his demon instincts, and she accepted it. No demon lord could accept a female as their firstborn and their heir. Every demon lord would kill their firstborn child if it was a female. Even him. She couldn't live with it. How could anyone live with someone who had killed your child? No tears were shed by her that night, but the look on her face tore him to shreds. She left him to linger on his thoughts. For what seemed like thousands of years she left him alone, at first he blamed her, but now he knew he deserved it. All of it. Slowly he sorted his thoughts out again and looked back over time, he started at the beginning.

Okay, so it is kind of a cliffy, but it sets it up for the next song! Thanks for all the reviews! Keep them comin'.

Thanks to: **Unicorn'sWhisper, ****Secrets N Lies, MacDuffyGirl, Kira the Mizu Ryuu, The Squabbit, DarkMistress44**

I know is confusing and I repeat myself, but that is just what fits with the lyrics. Sorry, and bare with me! Only two more chapters, maybe a third.


	9. Chapter 9

In this chapter I am using the song _Two Thousand Years_ by Billy Joel. **I do not own it.**

The song reached out and filled Sesshomaru's mind to the fullest.

_In the beginning / There was the cold and the night_

And the demons

_  
Prophets and angels gave us the fire and the light_

Foolishly the demons had taught the humans about fire, how to hunt, and how to survive

_  
Man was triumphant_

The had taken over everything

_Armed with the faith and the will / That even the darkest ages couldn't kill _

Their foolish notions that they were supposed to rule this world as well as their sheer numbers, and the fact that the demons would not unite to fight had given them enough of an advantage to win__

Too many kingdoms / Too many flags on the field

The flag and symbol of every demon lord that had sent out an army

_  
So many battles, so many wounds to be healed_

So many deaths

_  
Time is relentless_

It tears at everything, turning the mightiest mountain to dust, rerouting a river

_  
Only true love perseveres_

The bonds of love stretched through anything, unbroken and stronger than before

_  
It's been a long time and now I'm with you / After two thousand years _

Sesshomaru knew that if it took that long to be reunited with her, he would not make it__

This is our moment / Here at the crossroads of time

He had already reached that crossroads and had chosen the path that led away from her

_  
We hope our children carry our dreams down the line / They are the vintage_

But no children would carry their memory

_  
What kind of life will they live/ Is this a curse or a blessing that we give? _

"A curse." Sesshomaru muttered__

Sometimes I wonder / Why are we so blind to fate?

Why did some fight what they had to do?

_  
Without compassion, there can be no end to hate / No end to sorrow_

She had taught him compassion, but it had failed him when he had most needed it

_  
Caused by the same endless fears_

Being alone. Every beating heart, every living thing needed to be loved, to feel needed and accepted. She had filled that void that he had tried to deny. Now it was back

_  
Why can't we learn from all we've been through / After two thousand years? _

Why can't she just forgive?__

There will be miracles / After the last war is won

"Just let me see her one more time, just one more time, let me tell her I am sorry."

_  
Science and poetry rule in the new world to come_

Logic, it had told the people that magic, demons and all magical creatures were fables, not real. Demons were forced to resume a human form, they had to give up any dealings with anything magical, or were killed as witches

_  
Prophets and angels / Gave us the power to see_

The demons had given them the power

_  
What an amazing future there will be_

Not for him, not ever for him again

_  
And in the evening / After the fire and the light_

At the end of the world, when everything was gone and only the demons remained once more

_  
One thing is certain: nothing can hold back the night / Time is relentless / And as the past disappears_

Time, it gave life, and it took life away. But demons were immune. Nothing touched them. Nothing could stop the sun from rising and setting, another could stop night from coming, and nobody could stop the hunt at night.

_  
We're on the verge of all things new_

Every day new things were discovered by the humans. New things to make life better. Every day they were on the verge of something else

_  
We are two thousand years_

Sesshomaru had forgotten how long he and Kagome had been mates, and had no idea how long since he had first laid eyes on her. She had swept him away, taught him, helped him, and healed him. No amount of time could erase her deeds, no amount of time could undo what he had done.

Sesshomaru walked to the other side of his room where a shattered sword lay in a glass case. The sword made from his fathers fang, the sword that would give back life was broken. The night he had killed his daughter he had tried to bring her back. He had stood over the broken body and tried desperately to bring her back. But something was wrong, the sword would not work. He tried for hours and did not notice the cracks on the blade. For the hundredth time he tried, and the blade shattered. For reasons unknown to anyone, the blade would not bring his daughter back to him. It could raise the dead, but it could not heal the carnage he had left behind.

Sesshomaru reached out and grabbed the hilt, it still had about six inches of blade left on it. He ran a finger down the blade and it cut through his skin, and it was still sharp. He took the sword over the the large desk he had been sitting at. He sat down in the huge chair and lay the sword in front of him. It gleamed in the sparse light that came from the moon. He closed his eyes and made his decision. He opened his eyes and reached out to grasp the hilt of the sword, but then the next song came on. He smiled and decided he would wait for the last song before he finished.

If you can't guess what he is going to do, well, you'll just have to wait. I am going to get started on the next chapter right away and it should be done in a few days, so it is coming!

Thanks to: **The Squabbit, Kira the Mizu Ryuu, Eternal Darkness24, Unicorn'sWhisper, LilAngel. Sakura Tenvaiga** for the reviews!


	10. Chapter 10

In this final chapter I am using the song _Famous Last Words_ by Billy Joel. **I do not own it.**

One last song. He told himself, just one more and then I can be through with everything.

_Sitting here in Avalon / looking at the pouring rain _

Sesshomaru glanced out the window and chuckled at the rain now coming through the open widow

_  
Summertime has come and gone / and everybody's home again _

Everyone all tucked in. Cozy and tight in their beds

_  
Closing down for the season / I found the last of the souvenirs _

He had gone through all of his trunks and such earlier today, remembering how blissfully unaware he had been before he met Kagome

_  
I can still taste the wedding cake / and it's sweet after all these years _

Another stupid human tradition he had gone through to please her and her family, but it was fun. Although it had taken three dry cleaning sessions to get the cake out of his suit__

These are the last words I have to say / That's why this took so long to write 

It had taken him years to come to this point

_  
There will be other words some other day _

No more words, words were empty. Her favorite saying was "You actions ring so loudly in my ears, I cannot hear what you say." No matter how many times he told her he loved her, or how many times he had said he would stop, that final action had proved who he really was

_  
But that's the story of my life _

Nothing ever went right anymore__

There's comfort in my coffee cup / and apples in the early fall 

He picked up his now cold coffee and drank the rest in one gulp

_  
They're pulling all the moorings up / and gathering at the Legion Hall _

The demons were making one final stand against the humans, one last time they would fight, and Sesshomaru knew they would lose

_  
They swept away all the streamers / after the Labor Day parade _

Actually, it was the New Years parade

_  
Nothing left for a dream now / only one final serenade_

One last song

_And these are the last words I have to say / Before another age goes by _

Without him, he would take part in it no more

_  
With all those other songs I'll have to play / But that's the story of my life_

No more songs, no more words, one more action, to prove to her

And it's so clear standing here where I am / Ain't that what justice is for? 

He saw everything he had ever done in painful clarity

_  
Frankly, my dear / I don't give a damn anymore _

But he did, and that was the problem__

Stack the chairs on the table tops / Hang the sheets on the chandeliers 

Clean it all up, and close the doors

_  
It slows down but it never stops / Ain't it sweet after all these years _

The pace of the world would just get faster and faster until the human race burnt themselves out, until there was nothing left__

And these are the last words I have to say / It's always hard to say goodbye 

He had nothing to say goodbye to

_  
But now it's time to put this book away / Ain't that the story of my life_

It was time to close the book of his life, a book that was never meant to be closed. Time to put it back on the shelf and hide it so that no one would ever know of his mistake again. But perhaps, someone would pick that book up at the crossroads of their life and read, they would choose the road he had given up and live unlike he had.

Sesshomaru reached out and grasped the hilt of his broken sword, the sword meant to give life would now give it in a different way, it would let him rest. It would let him escape all that he had done, and sleep would be welcome. In one hand he held the sword, a relic from what had been, in the other was an empty coffee cup, perhaps a foretelling of what the world would come to, empty and dead. He laughed and dropped the cup, watching it shatter and spread across the floor. He was done, done with the world, done with himself. He raised the sword and watched it glimmer in the light. He slowly rotated the chair so his back was to the door and he faced the night through the open window.

"I am so sorry Kagome." He spoke the words softly before bringing the sharpened edge of the sword to his neck, the one way to kill a demon, take it's head or it's heart. "You already have my heart Kagome, finish the job and have my head." He raised the sword to strike but mid slash, something grabbed his arm. He snarled and leaped to his feet, claws extended and ready to kill whomever had stopped him. But before he could rip out their throat, his other wrist was caught as well. Two white, delicate hands held his arms in place, and two icy blue eyes held his demon at bay.

"I don't want your head Sesshomaru." Kagome whispered before she let go of him and he fell to the floor, tears rolling down his face.

"You came back, why have you come back? Do you wish to mock me? Do you wish to see the one who caused you so much pain in misery?" He lashed out with his words, spite dripping from each letter.

"I have come to heal you Sesshomaru, and to heal myself."

"Go away, go away. Just leave me alone." He pushed her away as she reached out, but she stubbornly took his head and laid it on her chest. She ran slender fingers through his hair and the muscles in his body went limp. A deep, contented rumble sounded in his chest.

"You were always stubborn. You would never let go of anything. Not even me." She laughed quietly as he draped his strong arms around her slender form possessively. "Why would you kill yourself?"

"I do not deserve you." He growled, and nuzzled her neck.

"Why would you think that? Actions speak louder than words Sesshomaru, and yours are screaming for me to come back."

"You forgive me?" He lifted his head and looked at her.

"I forgave you the minute it happened, but you wouldn't forgive yourself." She pushed a stray lock of white hair behind his ear.

"You were all that was holding me together." He spoke softly and traced a finger around her face. "And then you left." They just sat their and stared at each other for a few minutes before Kagome started laughing.

"Look at this, the once universally feared demon lord is sitting on the floor crying in clothes that haven't been changed for several days." she smiled mockingly at him.

"Are you calling me weak?" He demanded, his old spark and pride back in his eyes. "I am not so weak I cannot protect what is mine." He swept her up in his arms and got to his feet, cradling her gently in his arms. "I will never do anything to hurt you again. Never, ever." He whispered in her ear and walked out of the room and back into his life.

Sigh it is finally done! Wow, that ending didn't turn out as I wanted it to, but I guess it works. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, it helped so much. So the vote was for a happy ending, and it is more happy then if I had let him kill himself, so I hope that it is satisfying! Thanks again to my wonderful reviewers!


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